Death Note: Kirrer
by vinnie the geek
Summary: Parody of the popular Manga. Righto finds a death note misplaced by Yuk, a god of death. He decides to make life better for all, even if they don't want it, by killing 'innocent convicted criminals'. At some point, I may even decide to interject a serious
1. Righto!

Hi! Vinnie here again.

(Brain: I am not here, again...)

This is the disclaimer. This story is written expressly for the purpose of amusement--mine.

If you think this was a bad idea, send your comment, complaints, death-threats, and childish flames to _Artemisgirl_, who thought this might be a good idea.

* * *

Ha! I win again, Yuk-San. 

No fair! Ahhh, this is boring. I think I will kill someone.

Oh, shit. Anyone seen my book?

What did you do, Yuk? Did you drop your book in the human world again?

Oh yeah...

* * *

Hey, Righto, what are you to doing after school ends? 

I must to study of the major testing for University.

You study to much. Come to movie with me, I make it worthwhile.

Thank you no, Patrishea, I study.

_Hah! Little do anyone know that I go to kill..._

_

* * *

_

Righto-son. HI! Do you watch on the Television, of the deaths of many innocent convicted criminals?

It is so scary, brother. Mother is right. Many jailed criminals died last night, of attack hearts. I am afraid.

Why to be afraid, annoying sister of mine? It is criminal only that is kill. You are not old enough to be criminal. When you is old enough to be criminal, do not be criminal. Then, you not be kill. Okay?

Oh, Righto, you are so smart! It why I am so glad I your mother am. But your father, he must catch kirrer of criminal.

Kirrer?

Oh, that is what they call on Television, the killer of criminal they say 'Kirrer'.

Stupid Terrorvision!

Hi!

Hi, dad-San.

Who is Kirrer? I must find, or I cannot sit at home, and rest, and eat well, until I catch.

So sorry. I talk work much. I will now become proper father. Why you not study, Righto?

I eat, father.

Study hard fun now, eat later. After University test. You will not be stupid, yes?

Father, do not so hard on Raito-son. Eat first, yell at son later. Daughter, too, require yelling-to.

Daughter why?

She have bad grade in Engrish, and made to do extra homework in maths. Make do her homework with son, Righto?

Righto.

Righto! Do with sister homework!

* * *

Muah_ahahahahaaha. More killings to write. Make sister homework later._

Humans, so entertaining.

What! Who are you, so yukky?

Yuk!

No, I say yuk, what say you?

I am Yuk.

Agree. But what is name, honorable horrid creature of nightmare?

My name is Yuk. Y-U-K...Yuk.

Oh! So sorry, Yuk is fine name. But why? Are you here?

I am the Shinagami of the Death Note, which you are owner. You write death in the book?

Um...yes...if one is too believe silly instructions, come with book...

Instructions good. You make death with book. You kill criminal?

Yes, only criminal.

Why?

Yuk! I good. I kill criminal only to make a better place to live world. I, only, am smart enough to do so without being capture.

You believe it is good to kill? Humans are so interesting.

Righto!

Excuse...?

No, excuse please me, my manners. My name Righto. I am pleased to meet master Shinagami, Yuk!

Apple?

No, please.

Do you have apple?

Oh...mother in kitchen has apple. You wish apple?

Oh yes, please. Apples in my world taste shit-like.

Like what?

Shit.

Oh...Hi!

Hai!

No, sister to say hi to. Sister banging loudly on door. What do I do with you? Do you hide in closet, or under bed?

No hide I. Sister of Righto see me only if she touches the book of death, no? Please get me many apples, so I do not wish to kill you.

Do you kill also, with death book? How then do you kill if death book is of mine?

Damn you!

Ha! I am smarter than Yuk, god of death!

No, I damn you to world of Shinagami. And when I get my book back...

Oh, I see.

Righto.

Righto! Brother let me in! I must have your help with homework.

Shit!

Apple?

Yuk!

* * *

Thank you again, and please review if you like this and want more. 

(Brain: I do not want more.)

Remember, review if you liked this, and if you did not, write to _Artemisgirl._


	2. I like Apples!

Once more, greetings many, fanatics of Death Note!

(Brain-San: Vin-dork say, Hi.)

First of business; shout-outs:

Artemisgirl: Plot? What, please, makes noise 'plot'?

anon.: Not PC? I make no fun Japanese person-I merely point out stupid translations...Thank you much for liking.

Lija-Chan: Much thank yous. You want me write more better? Or write more, is better? Too funny is good, yes?

Growing pain: You do know I say 'Righto eat (food)' to father, correct? No 'Righto eat father', yes? Thank you kindly much for good review!

amy-the-rat: Brain is broken? You say my 'Brain' broke, or your brain? Both may be correct. Room with padded walls, you see if next door is 'Vinnie', possible...

* * *

(Story must, insert here begin.)

Chapter the Two; Death Note: Kirrer.

* * *

How are we to catch Kirrer, Assistant chief Yagami?

We must ask help of greatest detective in world.

You mean...?

Hi.

Hai.

No.

No hai?

No, L. Say hi 'L'.

L?

Hai, Aizawa-Man. Funny looking kid with no name. He comes now here.

Mysterious, androgynous, detective-child who dresses funny, comes here now?

Yes. He that perches like bird, and eats constantly. He appear by computer.

How do we know computer-man is L, Yagami-San?

Matsuda-fool! Look at computer screen—you see big letter 'L'?

Hai...

What means by big letter 'L'?

L! L is 'L'! You lack obviously superior intellect like Yagami-son.

Yagami-San? You refer to Yagami-son, Lighto?

Hai, Lighto-kun.

Lighto-San Yagami-son?

Hai. Yagami-son Lighto-San. He also, is possessing great skills of detective, Mogi.

Mogi is great detective?

Incorrect, detective-whose-name-does-not-matter: Lighto-kun is great detective-son.

So, 'L' is great detective: Lighto-San is great detective whose name begin with 'L'...Yagami-son Lighto is great detective 'L'?

No. But we now know not only that Matsuda-San speak too much, but also why Matsuda-San is known by familiar name of 'Tota'.

* * *

_(Author's spurious aside: The root word 'tot', pronounced, 'tote,' is found in many languages, and has several common meanings: 'dead,' and 'stupid.')

* * *

_

Thank you, assistant chief of Japanese police, for your valuable assistance. I use you now as bait for Kirrer.

How so?

Kirrer in Japan. Maybe here, within you.

Kirrer smart. How is it that you know that he is in Japan?

How is, that you not know this is true? I 'L', smartest detective in world, see immediately that innocent convicted criminals who die first, die in Japan. Coincidence?

You insult NPA. Possible that Kirrer execute elementary trick of making appear he in Japan. Begin groupings of killing here, to sole purpose of throwing off track great detective 'L'.

He makes announcement on Japanese TV.

Trick.

He is 'Kirrer'. No self-respecting American criminal killer calls himself 'Kirrer'.

Simple trick. He is reader of poorly-translated Manga.

Good point, Yagami-San... I have not considered this conclusion. You are smart man. Your son also, very smart, yes? Smarter, even, than Yagami-San?

Hai! Please not to rub in, in front of colleagues. Righto-Kun will go to best university. He studies most hardly, this very moment. Righto-son kick ass.

Kick ass?

Much ass.

Ass-kicking occurs at school?

Hai.

Righto-son fit profile of Kirrer.

Hahahahahaha! American humor. I laugh, not inappropriately, yes?

Hahaha...yes. I make a good joke at your son, Righto! Please to keep close eye on Righto-San, Yagami-San son.

Ha! Another comment of humorousness.

No. (Bites into candy.)

Hai. (Introspective frown.)

* * *

Yuk. You will make assistance in my killing-progress?

You will provide Apple?

Yes—provided you no longer use my room.

Why?

Do you not have nose? Use lavatory, please.

So sorry, not used to very high water content of Apple...

How may I kill? Heart-attack is always boring.

You may make other deaths. Instructions in book...

...are deliberately vague, yes?

I will help you as much as I can. As long as it amuses me.

You find in killing, only amusement?

I also like Apples...

* * *

Look here, Yuk. I am genius, without doubt. I will hide book of death in secret-drawer-within-secret-drawer, connect to destruct device. So clever, yes?

Is it still secret, why you tell me?

Why I!...have Apple.

I like secret. Lighto-San is most very clever genius. Humans so interesting, yes?

Also observe police data I hack into so easily. I see great detective of world, 'L', will dedicate his life to catch Yagami-Kirrer. He is so smart, find I am in Japan, call FBI of America to follow NPA. Think you he is clever enough to discover me Kirrer?

I like Apples.

Ha! So smart 'L' appears on my televison. He dares to make me kill him. So easy. Good bye-'L'-San.

So clever, Righto?

So for 'L'.

Righto-San-TV message say 'L' you kill is not 'L'. What say you now?

He find I remote-kill. So what? If only I can find out real name, and face. Then I win.

Yuk can do that.

No kill I. But Yuk eyes see name of face. Man you kill on TV-I see his name is not 'L'.

You help kill Righto?

No. I will make you a good deal on Yuk-eyes. You may purchase eyes of Yuk. Then, you will see name-goes-with-face, and date of death.

How much is Shinigami eyes of Yuk?

Just for today, only half of remaining life of Righto-San.

How long?

Just for today...

No! How long is life of Righto remaining?

I cannot say...

You cannot tell me, for fear of King-of Shinigami?

I cannot tell, for fear of make things less interesting.

Interesting in Apples?

I cannot tell. Rules are to Shinigami important, yes?

You are crafty also, Yuk.

So, yes.

So. I now make homework with myself and annoying sister Sayu. You eat Apples please in lavatory.

Hai.

I always mean to ask you another thing, Yuk. Where do you get cool belt buckle?

I win it a skate palace.

You roller skate?y

Very well, thank you. Chicks dig it.

Chicks dig Roller skate?

No. Chicks dig belt buckle. It have special power to make them...er...ah...how to say?

Never mind, you blush.

How may I obtain belt of chick-magnet?

Special today, you may have my belt. Only give me half your remaining life-span...

Oy...you never stop with that, do you?

Hee hee. So interesting, always, humans.

* * *

Thank you, please, for reading. And reviewing

(Brain-San: Thank you, please, for to understand Brain is not responisible for (stupidity) of Vin...)

Review, thank you.


	3. Righto touches a girl!

Please to explain-only TWO freakin' reviews?!!?

(Brain-o: So sorry. I explain. You suck.)

Thank you for clearing THAT up...

* * *

**_Shoutouts:_**

**Artemisgirl:** Yeah--you get the prize. I could not (giggle) help myself.

**Amy-rat-kun:** I love you. (Brain: But why do YOU want the chick-magnet belt...?) Ignore my smartass friend.

* * *

Story below

Death Note: Kirrer, ch. 3,

(in which Righto actually concedes to touch a girl!)

* * *

You know man follows you, Righto?

I know Yuk follows always, but not man.

Not Yuk-human man follow.

Ah-I have anticipated this. 'L' has made to have FBI Americans follow Japanese police. He is suspecting of all NPA, and family.

'L' is smart, yes?

Not smart like Righto. He will lose. I make world a better place for all good people, whether they like, or no.

This is good? Then 'L' is bad, no?

Yes. Good for all that I become God-like of whole world and direct all to do good.

You make all happy by killing. Yes, interesting.

Sometimes, you think too much Yuk.

Sartre is said that evil will not be done away. Man is evil. Nitsche say 'God is dead.' You will make these men wrong?

Where have you read these things?

Computer. Righto has many interesting things. Also interesting, books of Righto under bed-_very _interesting. These are women of desires?

...? (Severe stare.)

To know evil, one must study evil.

So...homework?

Er...yes.

* * *

I must find more about FBI spy-man. However, this mean that room may be bug. 

Means camera, microphone, which hide. To catch Righto doing killings. I may not kill now.

Bug is put by FBI man?

Possible. However, 'L' is work with and against NPA. He is most like to bug. You will witness, once again, brilliant Righto. I will experiment. Take page out of death book, see if it kill alone. This will work?

...? Hmm..no harm to say, yes.

Good. I kill at school, make deaths appear later. Then, FBI man, NPA, 'L', see that not Righto that 'Kirrer'.

Good. So wise is 'Kirrer'.

Yes. Now-watch as I plot brilliant, to rid of myself FBI man.

* * *

Girl-whose-name-I-disregard...Hello! I wish to make with you, date for to go Zoo, yes? 

You, Righto, who is greatest student, wish to finally acknowledge my existance?

Yes.

No more ignore and humiliate me?

Yes.

No more to create suspecting of your sexuality?

No more...

No more! I wish only to use you to make appear girl friend. I wish this very, so much that I hold hands and sit on you with bus, same seat. Much I have to lose, should you refuse I must find another whose name does not matter also. Make of your mind now.

I go, thank you very much. One question please, I may ask of you first, adored Righto?

You may ask.

My hand you will hold? Not yours?

Of course. Today, the three of clock, we go.

* * *

Uh...please, please, please review? 

Pretty please?

(Brain: He will take requests, if you know what I mean...)

(Vin begging on knees) Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease review!


	4. Why bus stop?

Hi!

(Brain: High...)

Time for the Shout Outs:

**Kira:** You spelled 'Irgrish' worng...

**amy-the-rat-Kun:** Yes, it is none of my business. ...but I still want to know. (Brain: (whispering)) Oh! Nevermind...

**Scooter:** Pthhhhpt!

* * *

Hello, girl-who-name-unimpor...uhh...Stepfannye! 

Oh, thank you for almost spelling my name right, Righto-kun.

Please, no addressing as familiarity. You call me please of Yagami-San thank you very much.

Oh, I am most pleased to call you as Mister Yagami. I is so pleased to look forward to touch your hand.

Oh! Errr...yes, as promised. _Yuk!_

_Yes, Righto? I right behind._

What?! I think it, 'Yuk,' not speak. You read also, mind of Righto?

You think of my hand, is 'yukky'? I am sorry, honored Mister Right-San. Please to allow me privacy, so I may commit self-mutilation as punishment...

No-your hand is sufficiently non-offensive. I...I...talk to myself. Ahhh-not self-self, but other-self.

Ooooh! You have muse-self second-personality, also like Stephanie!

Errr...yes?

_Hee hee hee. Yuk makes of Righto the ass, no? Human mating rituals so very interesting..._

Shut up!--uh--'Muse'...

_Hee hee hee hee..._

* * *

I already told to you, girl of my annoyance, we are early. We wait for next bus. 

Ah, here, finally!

* * *

_Now my plan of brilliance allows me to confront the man of the FBI..._

Bus trip is so boring Yagami-San.

Not boring for long...

What did you mean, Yagami-San?

Oops! Did I say that aloud? I mean that trip not very long. We soon arrive at...at...????...where do we go, again?

We tour the Zoo. You will hold hand, I will respectfully adore Righto—so sorry—Yagami-San.

* * *

_Ha! I sit right behind Yagami-Lighto, and he suspecting not FBI I am. But, curiously, he is with girl that he so obviously don't like...although she do not seem to notice...

* * *

_

Yagami-San? Why bus stop?

Bus Stop.

Yes, but why?

Why Bus Stop?

Yes?

What else would you call it?

You must think of me stupid, Yagami-San.

No—you are...ummm...useful.

Oh, really? Thank you, Yagami-San, for pronouncing me fit for utilitarian purposes. I am most honored.

Your mother be so pleased, I am sure...

But please to honor me by explaining specific of what I am useful for?

Hold hand?

Oh yes, thank you, please.

* * *

_Heh heh heh—that crim-looking man must be murder I expect..._

Excuse me please, but Sir, may I ask you to pay bus toll before you seat?

Ha ha! Yes, you may ask, but I will not comply! Ha ha!

Righto! How terrible! Ugly man does not pay for bus ride. Oh—I am sorry, Mr. Yagami Righto-San.

Do not worry, what's-your-name, for I am sure he is only a petty thief.

How do you find that to be, Yagami-San?

Ugly man can no be good criminal. This I am sure, always that way in movies...

Ohhhh...

_Hee hee hee—human female so interesting...and stupid. **Hey—Righto! I wish Apple.**_

I told you, no Apple in public.

I don't understand, Yagami-San. What did I do that is 'Apple'? I think I behave properly...

* * *

Yes-this is bus 143, going to Zoo. We have situation. Ugly man does not pay to ride on bus. I must be sure he is criminal, planning to do something horrible. What do I do? 

_Bus 143...please to continue as if your life is not in grave danger...but do not pick up additional passenger at next Bus stop..._

Do I stop at next Bus Stop?

...bus 143, please repeat...you no make sense...

* * *

Ha ha ha ha ha! Now is time! Bus driver, this is hijack. Keep driving, please. Everyone on bus, I will now steal from you all your valuable and moneys, and I will leave here a very rich criminal. Please to give to me all you have which is of value. 

Wha...?

If you are not to cooperate, I will now show you my gun, which is not happens very much in Japan, and therefore, is very scary to you. You will all cooperate now?

Passenger: Ohhhhh...gun! Can I see?

Passenger 2: I always want to touch real gun? If I give you my watch, may I touch please?

Stop! You will now give me money, or I will shoot bus driver...

Passenger 3: Can I shoot?

Passenger 4: Hey! If you let me hold, I will shoot driver for you! I will pay much.

* * *

This is bus 143... we have hijack... 

Bus 143, you have hijack your own bus...?

No! Honorable crazy man have hijack bus, and want to get money...he tell, 'keep driving'...

...Bus 143, please to keep drive...how many passenger do you have?...

...dispatch, I have seven passenger, includes crazy man with gun...

...wait...you have six passenger?...(sound of laughter in background)...why crazy man steal bus?...wait!!...he have gun?...cool!...please, can you take picture?...

* * *

Okay now, Steph. Now that crazy man with gun is preoccupied with crazy people on bus, I will jump on him, grab gun, wrestle him to ground, and save the day, even if it mean that I and many others be killed-okay? 

Yagami-San, should you not be talking more less loud? Others may hear.

_Yes, like FBI man behind...exactly, silly girl-of-no-consequence..._

And why do you risk your life, brave Light...er...excuse, Yagami-San. Think of Yagami-mom. If you die, she will be forever sad...

Excuse me, young man of stupid bravery, but I insist you do not try to wrest with man of crazy gun.

Why? I am son of Police Sub-Chief. I am well trained more than you.

Raye: ...I, too, have gun...

Cool! Can Righto see? Wait-why you have gun? Why should I trust?

_Well, he is son of Sub-commander, not much suspecting of him...I guess it okay to tell him..._

Look here, Righto, son of NPA Sub-commander, here is identify of me.

_Aha! I knew it! He is FBI. Raye Penber...now I know real name, and face, and I can kill..._

Ah, so. Very good of you to show me this. I will help you cooperate with me. But-let me ask of you, are you American of British decent? And if so, why your name spelled weird? Why not R-A-Y, like regular American?

American, yes-but my mother Japanese...

Ahhh...I understand. I thought maybe just typo, or bad translation of Manga...

But now, let me ask of you, Yagami Lighto, why do you call yourself Righto, when I know your given name Lighto? 

Arrgh.You _had_ to ask... You know Karaoke?

What?

You know, sing song with music and words on Television...

Yes, I know. What have this to do with name of Yagami Lighto?

Stupid American song...'He ain't heavy, he's my brother"...

I know of song...

When friends come for Karaoke, they sing 'He ain't heavy, he Light-Oh". I wish to kill. I hate sooo much...

Ah. That explaining why name of Yagami-son is 'Ray-toe', but pronouncing 'Light-oh', and you make to 'Right-Oh'. But why not just say 'Ray-toe'?

You American, you know of American perception that Japanese pronouncing 'Ell' like 'Are', and 'Are' like 'Ell'. No one of my acquaintance can say 'Ray-toe'. (Sigh)

Stop giggling, stupid Yuk-tard!

Raye: I am not giggling, or laughing-at least not out loud...so sorry, did I say that out loud?

Stephanie: I not giggle, although is most amusing. I mean, crazy criminal amusing...

Passenger: Sorry that I giggle...hee hee...but...'Yuk-tard'...hee hee...very funny, thank you...

_Hee hee hee hee...buses such fun..._

Raye: One more thing, Yagami-San, that puzzles, if you please. I see you touch girl's hand. Does this mean you like girls now...?

* * *

_Now, all is in readiness...I take tiny scrap of paper, which I write name on...and then casually drop paper...but why do I tell you this?_

Hey there, young man. I see you passing notes! I will not allow. See-I am smart than you, and I have cool gun. I will just pick up paper, and ruin your little plan of defeat me. ...? What? This is just stupid scrap of paper with tiny writing of misspelled name on it! Crap... Please now to give to me all of your valuable money and other things of worth.

Righto: (Whispering) Stupid crazy man with cool gun! Look behind me.

What? So you have nice ass...

Righto: (Whispering) No! Look where I point, fat-of-head. Back there.

Why do you whisper to crazy man with big gun, Yagami-San?

Girl, watch your mouth. You hear me talk not, yes?

So sorry, Yagami-San. If you wish, I will hear you talk no more.

Yuk: Hee hee hee hee...hey! Crazy criminal-man with cool gun! See me!

Huh! Is that horrible monster talking to me? He wasn't there before...

Passenger: Excuse me, crazy gunman-San, but did you say 'horrible monster'? Old man has been sitting back there whole time. You no see him until now? He not even speak, why he 'monster'?

Stupid fool-he not monster! That...thing...other thing is monster.

What other thing?

Thing with cool belt buckle, and bad teeth. How you not see him? He seven feet tall?

Yuk: I will scare you now, yes? Boo!

Oooh...scary, yes. Bus driver, please to stop bus, and let me to run off screaming like a little girl.

So sorry. I may not stop bus without permission of dispatch. You like me to make call? Is hijack over? Can I see cool gun?

Never mind-I just jump off bus in motion, into traffic, thank you.

That will be very kind of you. Thank you, sir. Have nice day...

Gunman: (jumping) Horrible monster! Aaaghhh! (Sound effects of screeching brakes.)

Raye: Driver! Stop bus immediate!

I told other crazy man, I cannot stop without call to dispatch. You wish me to make call?

I am FBI-you will stop bus now! I must follow crazy criminal man, and arrest.

Passenger: Can I go with you? I did not get to see cool gun...

* * *

Raye: He is dead. 

Righto: That may just be most obvious thing I ever hear...by the way, how do you feel, Penber-San?

I am most fine, thank you, except I must now go to side of road to throw up. Yuk!

_Yes? Oh-I see. He does not mean to talk to Yuk, he means...Oooh. Humans so interesting sickness...

* * *

_

Now is the time for all men (and women) of good faith to...REVIEW!!!

(Brain: Please, don't review. If you do, he will write more crap like this...)

Thanks for your support...


End file.
